


Musings

by TheDarkAgent



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkAgent/pseuds/TheDarkAgent
Summary: “Riza…” Her date says quietly, his lust forgotten. “Riza, if your boss is hurting you, would you tell me?”Riza blinks for a moment. This was not the question she was expecting. “What?”“Your back. I don’t know much about alchemy, but that’s an array if I ever saw one. And the burns… you work for the Flame Alchemist… He’s never hurt you… has he?”Canon compliant. Royai.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 13
Kudos: 120





	Musings

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been sitting on a draft of this since 2016. It was never published after my sisters decided to play a practical joke on me and send it to the guy I was talking to at the time- who preceded to think it was the weirdest thing ever. Anyway, it's been revised and sitting in my drafts since June and I might as well just post it. Here's to no longer being an insecure 19 year old and no longer giving a fuck.

At the time, Riza could not have predicted she would lose her virginity to Roy Mustang. In hindsight, it was always meant to be him.

The tattoo on her back made certain of this. 

When she had first bared her father’s secrets to him, she had made one request- no copies, no notes, no drawings. Roy had reluctantly agreed. While he understood why notes could not exist, he was not immune to the discomfort radiating from Riza as she spent hours and hours laying half naked on her bed as he meticulously studied the array that marred her back.

“Are you cold?” He asks. “Would you like to stop for the night? It’s getting late.” 

“I’m okay if you are,” Riza says shyly. 

Roy nods and returns to studying the patterns on her skin. If he notices the way Riza shivers slightly when his fingers trace the lines of the tattoo, he does not lead on. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to break the code?”

“I have no doubt,” Roy smiles softly before remembering the grim reality of his masters research. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” 

“You’ve already apologized.” 

“I know,” Roy says as he began to rub his fingers up and down her bare back, offering her comfort. “But I will keep saying it. If I hadn’t left- maybe he would never have felt the need to do this.” 

“Or maybe he would have,” Riza says bluntly. “My father was not mentally sound near the end.” 

They sat there for a moment as Roy continued to run his fingers up and down Riza’s spine. While she seemed unaffected, internally, Riza was screaming. 

Growing up in the house she did, Riza was a stranger to touch and never known intimacy. Roy’s hands on her back were foreign, but welcomed. She had admired him throughout her youth. For the longest time, she had lamented their age gap because all she would ever be to him was his masters’s young daughter. But now, he had returned to her and she was a young woman- a young woman who could not deny her attraction to the man whose hands caressed her bare skin.

She began to sit up slowly, contemplating her actions before making a decision. If she was going to have to bear this secret on her skin forever, she wasn’t going to live with regrets. She turned to Roy, making no attempts to cover herself. 

“Miss Hawkeye,” Roy stutters, his eyes growing wide. “What are you-” 

Before he could finish his sentence, Riza’s lips were on his. She put one of her hands on his neck, pulling him close. 

“Riza. Just Riza,” She said before returning her lips to his. 

“Riza!” He pulls her apart and for a moment she is worried she has misread him. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” she says simply before crashing her lips back with his. 

Later, as they lay in bed basking in the comforting warmth of each other, Riza knows that she would do just about anything for Roy Mustang. 

/-/-/

Riza is one of five women in her class at the academy. She quickly notices she captures the attention of the men around her, but it is easy enough to justify that they look at her because she is simply one of the only women present. 

She is assigned to room with Rebecca Catalina and they quickly become fast friends. Rebecca is the first true friend Riza has had since childhood and her company makes their time at the academy bearable. She is nothing like Riza- outgoing, loud and boy-crazy- but she's exactly what Riza needs. 

“Grant asked about you again today,” Rebecca said one night as they were getting ready for bed. “Come on Riza, it’s just a date. We have one day off a week and you always spend it doing nothing but reading your books or shooting at the range. Let him take you out for once.” 

“I don’t know about that.” 

“Why not Riza? It’s just dinner.”

“I’m okay, really.” 

“Don’t tell me you're hesitating because of your father’s old apprentice. We’ve been at the academy for eight months and he hasn’t sent a single letter.” 

“How could he write to me? He doesn’t know I’m here.”

“That’s not the point. Live a little, Riza.” 

A hundred reasons run through her mind on why this date is a bad idea. She misses Roy. She’s still learning how to open up to other people. She’s never been on a date. Then there is the problem of what if she ends up liking Grant. What if he makes her forget about her father’s apprentice and their days spent in her house as he deciphered her tattoo? The thought scares her, but she’s mature enough to realize her attachment to him is irrational at best. She has all the reasons to say no, but Rebecca speaks the truth she won’t admit. Roy is gone. She may never see him again. He has made no effort to contact her. And from their previous conversations, she can confidently say Grant doesn’t know an alchemical array from a tribal tattoo if it hit him in the face. She sighs, conceding. 

“Fine.” 

The next Saturday, Riza finds herself at dinner with Grant. He is from the South and is the youngest of five sons. He joined the military because that’s what all his brothers did and it was expected of him too. They flirt and laugh and for a minute, Riza begins to seriously contemplate why she hesitated to accept his invitation in the first place. 

After dinner, they head back to his room after Grant assures her that his bunkmate is visiting his family for the evening across town. They make out on the bed and Grant lays her down on her back as he begins to kiss her neck. Riza closes her eyes and moans as he takes his time. His hands find her breast and he begins to suck on the hollow of her throat. When he moves to unbutton her shirt, she stops him. 

“Is everything alright?” He asks. 

“Yes,” she answers. “Just keep my shirt on please. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m a bit self conscious.” 

Lack of alchemical knowledge or not, Riza doesn’t feel safe bearing her tattoo to just anyone.

“Yeah, okay,” Grant nods, his mind determined to continue where they left off. 

They continue making out on the bed and Riza can’t help but focus on the nagging feeling growing inside of her. She pulled Grant in closer, kissing him harder, almost begging for the physical distraction to overpower her mind. 

“Oh, Riza,” he whispers into her ear as he begins to play with the waistband of her pants. 

“Oh, Roy,” she mutters out of instinct.

Instantly, her eyes snap open and she sits up abruptly. Grant’s hands abandon her body and he looks startled. 

“I mean, I- I- shit.” She cannot meet his eyes. 

“Don’t tell me you have a boyfriend back home,” Grant says quietly, the disappointment permeating every word. 

“I don’t.” Riza shook her head. “At least not anymore. Still, I should go. I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to you.” She quickly begins to straighten her shirt and once she is presentable, she flees the room without another word. 

That night, Riza lies awake until the early hours of the morning, her thoughts consumed by a pair of obsidian eyes. 

/-/-/

The desert is cruel. The heat and sand have made her skin rough and her eyes sunken. Riza spends her days up in the towers of buildings, shooting as many Ishvalans her commanding officer demands. She spends her nights haunted and alone. 

She is the only woman in the squad of snipers and quickly finds it isolating. It bothers her how little they seem to be affected by their cruel actions in the desert. Most of them take pride in their skill, their aim, their ability to never miss a target. Except they aren’t targets, they are people, she reminds herself with a shudder. And now those people are dead. 

Three months in and she is assigned to night watch. Her partner, Edmund, is from a small town out West, not unsimilar to her own hometown. Unlike the other snipers, he is not proud of his job. Riza watches as he cringes before pulling the trigger on a teenage boy and her trust in him begins to grow. 

She doesn’t see Roy in Ishval, but she knows he is there. Rumors of the flame alchemist circle the camp and she doesn’t know whether to be relieved he’s alive or horrified at what he’s become. She tries to convince herself she no longer cares. 

Edmund and her keep watch every night for a month straight. She likes Edmund, she decides. He is easy to talk to and doesn’t pry into her personal life. 

Edmund, she learns, likes her too. 

She has a particularly rough night and tears threaten to fall from her eyes. Tonight there were too many women and children, but now they are all dead. And it is her fault. They are still sitting in the tower when Edmund wraps his arms around her, offering comfort. She leans into him, allowing his warmth to envelope her. 

Fraternization on the front is the least of the commanders' worries. The chances of someone discovering the two on nightwatch is even smaller.

Riza makes the first move and pulls Edmund’s mouth to meet her own. He quickly captures her lips and begins grabbing a fistful of her hair to pull her closer. She allows it in a desperate attempt to feel human again. 

This is the perfect situation, she thinks. There’s no time to remove all their clothes. He would never expect her too. Her back is safe. 

They continue to kiss and she shivers when Edmund moves to her neck. He is gentle and this time, Riza whispers the right name. 

As he begins reaching for her belt buckle, they are startled apart by a bright red blaze that lights up the night sky. 

Fire. Lots of it. 

They sit up, suddenly painfully aware they are still on the edges of a battlefield. Riza’s eyes glow with horror as another bright flash erupts to her left and a distant building goes up in flames. Besides her, Edmund tries to bring her attention back to him. He kisses her ear softly. 

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Intel said the Flame Alchemist was to attack the Burrows District in the night, but I didn’t think that was until next week. Regardless, they are so far away we’re fine.” 

Riza doesn’t respond. Instead she sits up and begins to move back to her post. “Just in case,” she says to Edmund with a soft smile, playing the part of the perfect soldier again. 

The next day, Riza seeks out Roy on his side of the camp. She doesn’t let anyone else touch her the rest of her time in Ishval. 

/-/-/

“Hey, Hawkeye, it’s me.” 

Riza hears Roy announce himself as he enters her apartment but she does not make a sound. 

“How does it feel today?” He asks. 

He’s here to change her bandages and dress her wound. It’s been five days since he burned her back, three since he stopped staying the night on her sofa in her apartment, but he faithfully checks in on her three times a day. 

“It’s still preventing me from sleeping,” Riza says bitterly. “But the constant throbbing has dulled.” 

Roy nods and moves to sit on the end of the bed. Riza’s props herself up on her arms for a moment to make it easier for Roy to unwind the bandages wrapping her back and chest. Once she is fully bare, she lays back into the bed and sighs. 

“It looks better,” Roy says softly. “It’s stopped pusing.” He shakes the bottle of ointment in his hand and, ever so gently, begins to apply it to her burn mark with a sterile cotton ball. 

“I should be able to take care of the burns soon,” Riza’s offers. “Then you can stop interrupting your day to check on me.” 

“Nonsense,” says Roy, not entertaining the idea for a moment. “I refuse to let this get infected. You asked me to do the unthinkable and I will be damned if you catch an infection and die.” 

Riza nods. She knew that was going to be his answer. She knows him showing up on time- before work, on his lunch break and after he clocks out for the night- is his way of apologizing. He needs to take care of her almost as much as she needs to be taken care of. 

“Do you think three weeks of leave will be enough?” Roy asks. 

“Yes, I should think so,” Riza said softly. “If not I will extend it.” 

“Please do.” 

The two sit in a comfortable silence as Roy finishes cleaning the blisters on Riza’s back. He reaches across the table for the bandages and motions for Riza’s to sit up again. Without hesitation, Roy reaches across Riza’s, wrapping her breasts and back back up. 

The intimacy of this moment is not lost on Riza. Despite the angry red burns on her back, she is still topless with a man who has seen her in various states of undress the past few days. Once it was clear that her body was over the initial shock of being burnt, Roy had gently helped her into a cool bath. From there he had dressed her and her wounds and had fallen asleep stroking her hair, eyes whispering a silent apology. 

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” The words are out of Riza’s mouth before she can stop them. “I mean- it’s very boring laying on my stomach for hours on end all alone now that the pain is becoming bearable.” 

“Is that what you want?” Roy asks. He is prepared to call out of work if it will make her more comfortable. He is prepared to do anything she asks, if only to help ease the guilt in his mind for a few moments. 

“No,” Riza finally says after a long while. “You have a job. It will be suspicious if you suddenly take time off so soon after being promoted, Lieutenant-Colonel.” 

Roy smiles softly. “Yes, maybe, but Ishval was a long and hard war. Who would blame me for wanting to take a few days to relax in the countryside?” 

Before Riza can protest, Roy is calling work on her phone. 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she says as he walks back to join her. 

“I’ve done a lot recently I shouldn't have,” Roy says softly. “Now let’s try and get you to sleep.”

He reaches up and double checks that the curtains are pulled in tight, blocking out as much sunlight as possible. The mattress groans under his weight as he joins her, his back against the headboard. He keeps a respectable distance between them, but Riza finds deep comfort simply knowing he is there. He settles for one of the books on her nightstand and quietly begins reading. 

“Try and get some sleep, Hawkeye. I’ll be here if you need me.” 

/-/-/

She understands that she had made her choice. She knows she is his subordinate and her feelings did not matter. She would hide them from the rest of the world for the rest of her life if she had too, yet Riza could not ignore that the feelings were there. 

Roy shows up to work one Friday morning with a smirk on his face and when the boys inquired why, he began elaborating on how wonderful his date with Vanessa had been the night before. 

Last week it was Madeline. 

Six months out of Ishval and she has refused to let anyone touch her since Edmund’s attempt. Her healing back has only kept her to that. Now, Riza thought as she tried to focus on her paperwork, she wasn’t going to let a teenage affair ruin her life. If Roy Mustang was dating around, so could she. 

That was another unexpected benefit of burning her back. She could date freely without the painstaking detective work to see if the man knew alchemy. 

She knew there was still something there with Roy. When he had burned her back a few months ago, his touch had been tender and the intimacy they shared took her breath away. She still caught his gaze, ever-knowing and all-telling, and buried the look in his eyes deep within her mind. 

Regardless, mere weeks after she had recovered from her injuries enough to leave the solitude of her bed, she had decided to become his adjutant and she committed herself to playing the part. 

But Riza was only human.

That night, Riza found herself at a bar. Her wool uniform was switched out for a high necked black dress that showed off her legs. To avoid meeting people she knew, she took a cab to the other side of town. 

“Can I buy a beautiful woman a drink?” 

She turns to see a man, dressed sensible in a button down with large eyes and dimples, sitting down at the barstool next to her. 

“Gin, neat,” Riza said with a smile. 

His name is Perry and he works for the local newspaper. They talk for over an hour and Riza finds herself moving closer to him as they continue to drink. 

“Want to head back to my place?” He finally asks after their fifth round of drinks. 

Riza nods. “I’m going to run to the ladies room. I’ll meet you out front.” 

She stands up and heads to the corner of the bar where the bathrooms are located and can not help but grin. This may be it, she thought to herself, brain clouded with alcohol, now she can get over Roy.

As she exits the bathroom she accidentally stumbles into someone standing too close to the ladies room door. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry,” she says quickly. 

“Lieutenant?” 

Riza’s stomach drops. No. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way. She was supposed to be finally cutting the cord and getting over her feelings for him. 

Sure enough, she looks up to find Roy’s black eyes staring down at her. 

“I didn’t know you came here, Hawkeye,” Roy says when it is clear Riza had no response. 

“I don’t usually,” was all she could muster. 

“Well, then sit down and join me. I’ll buy you a drink,” he patted the empty barstool to the right. 

“Yes, okay,” she said. 

She instantly forgets about Perry and her mission to move on from Roy Mustang. They spent the rest of the evening chatting and talking, close but not close enough. 

/-/-/

A year passes and Riza learns to play the game well. Yes sir, no sir. Here’s your coffee, sir. She builds a reputation amongst the Lieutenant-Colonel's new team as a strict authoritarian and it suits her. 

She doesn’t give too much thought to Roy- or at least she tries not too. His fingers still linger when he helps her put on her coat. She catches him staring a moment too long on occasion. He always offers to drive her home after a long day in the office and when they pull up to her building they sit in the car in silence, both wishing she could invite him in. It’s a dangerous game they play and they play it well. 

And yet the wall they’ve built, one of strict professionalism, keeps them from going a step too far. They remain toeing the line with both of them never willing to make the irreversible first move, but also not ready to give up the underlying tension completely. 

When Rebecca once again offers to set her up on a blind date, Riza hesitates. 

“I’m not so sure.” 

“Come on, Riza,” Rebecca giggles. “He’s an accountant. Boring and meticulous just like you.”

Riza rolls her eyes. “You’re quite the salesman. Why are you trying to set me up anyway? Is he not rich enough for you?” 

“We are just friends,” Rebecca says. “And he’s a nice guy. I just think it would be good for you to get out there. You never date.” 

“I don’t have time to date with work.” 

“You work with Havoc and Mustang. If they can find time to go on all these dates, so can you.” 

Riza sighs, conceding. “Fine, one date.” 

Her first date with Ritter goes well. They go to dinner and afterwards he walks her home before respectfully kissing her on the cheek and walking away. 

Their second date is cut short after Havoc, having learned her location from Rebecca, calls the restaurant to let her know they have a significant lead on one of their most stubborn cases. Ritter does not seem to mind and asks to see her the following Friday. 

Their third date finds them at her apartment after she shyly asks him inside for a nightcap. 

“May I?” He asks as he brings his hands up to her cheek. She nods and he slowly kisses her on the mouth. 

She likes Ritter because he is so different from the man she wants but cannot have. His bright red hair and green eyes are vibrant and lively and she loves how she has no idea what he’s thinking when looking into his eyes. 

He is an accountant at East City Bank and knows little of the military aside from what Rebecca has told him about her work under the Flame Alchemist and that her job consumes a lot of her free time. He is into boxing, loves cooking and owns a small house outside of the financial district. 

They begin to undress and soon Riza’s dress is on the floor and she’s standing shamelessly in her bra and underwear. He pushes her against the wall and seeks permission to deepen the kiss. She leans into him and his hands run up and down the sides of her body. 

His touch doesn’t electrify her like Roy’s did all those years ago, but she has not been with a man since and his weight is warm and welcomed. 

“Bedroom,” Riza said, breaking for air. She grabs Ritters hand and begins to guide him when he lets out a large gasp. 

“What happened to your back?” 

Fuck. Riza thinks to herself. Then she remembers that the burns have rendered the array useless and, while awkward, there is no risk of her father’s secrets being discovered. Still, it was naive of her to assume he wouldn’t at least ask about her back. She decides to play it off as an injury from her time in Ishval. She has collected more than enough scares since joining the military.

Her reassurance lasts for only a second. 

“Riza…” Ritter says quietly, his lust forgotten. “Riza, if your boss is hurting you, would you tell me?” 

Riza blinks for a moment. This was not the question she was expecting. “What?” 

“Your back. I don’t know much about alchemy, but that’s an array if I ever saw one. And the burns… you work for the Flame Alchemist… He’s never hurt you… has he?” 

Riza feels the air leave her chest. This can’t be happening. Burning her back was supposed to relieve her of the tattoo’s burden. Now, it is only another obstacle that can bring Roy down. If Ritter were to report this to the military police, they would start an investigation. It would become common knowledge that the secrets to flame alchemy- though incomplete- were etched on her skin. The true depths of her history with Roy would be exposed. 

“It’s an old war wound from Ishval,” she said curtly. “And the tattoo was the ultimate rebellion against my father.”

Ritter does not seem to be buying her story. “I’m serious, Riza. Your entire left shoulder is marred and you expect me to believe it’s a coincidence considering who you work for?” 

“I understand if you don’t believe me,” Riza says softly. She begins to redress herself. “But soldiers are covered in war wounds. This is nothing different. The entire Dahlia district was burnt to the ground.” 

By now Ritter has caught on that he is no longer welcomed to stay. He finishes getting dressed and heads to the front door, Riza on his heels. 

“If you really are in trouble, you have my office number. I’m serious, Riza. Just because he is your superior officer doesn’t mean he can get away with this.” 

She insists she has no idea what he is talking about and shuts the door behind him. 

She can no longer attempt to date, she decides with a glaring finality. 

/-/-/

The next day, Riza stays behind for a few minutes as the rest of the crew leaves for lunch.

“Do you need something, Lieutenant?” Roy says from his desk.

“Yes sir,” Riza says, her mouth dry. “If I may, do you think you can come by my apartment tonight? I have urgent security matters to discuss with you.” 

At these words, Roy immediately sits up and leans forwards, his full attention on her. 

“Is everything all right, Hawkeye?” 

“Yes, sir,” she nods. “It's a matter to do with my back, sir. And it’s a conversation I believe best to have outside of Eastern Command.” 

Roy nods in agreement. “I’ll be there at 8.”

“Thank you sir,” Riza says before she turns around to join everyone else for lunch. 

Roy is right on time. He’s dressed in civilian clothes- a freshly pressed suit hanging on his frame. 

“So what’s going on?” He asks once they are safely inside. His voice is filled with worry. 

“I made a mistake, sir,” Hawkeye said quietly. “I was on a date last night and invited him back to my apartment, but when he saw my back, he immediately knew what it was.” 

Roy looks alarmed, but Riza can not tell if it was her admittance of last night’s activities or the situation itself. “The array is useless. I’ve burnt the most crucial parts. It shouldn’t matter who sees it,” He finally offers. 

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s not the problem. Yes, he knew the array was alchemy, but he also knew I worked under the Flame Alchemist and he assumed the worst. He knew you burned me, sir.” 

Roy’s mouth fell open as he processed what Riza said. 

Riza spoke before he could think of any response. “I assured him you’ve never hurt me. I said that it was an old war wound and just a coincidence. I kicked him out immediately after, sir, but I felt I must warn you in the event he tries to report my abuse at your hands to the MPs. I don’t think he believed my cover story for a moment.”

“Oh, well, thank you, Hawkeye,” Roy said. “Is this the first time someone has reacted to your back since I…burned...” his voice trailed off as he was unable to finish his sentence. 

“Yes, sir.”

“How many people have seen it?” Roy’s eyes shoot open as he realizes the implication of what he has asked. Quickly, before Hawkeye can give a proper response, he stutters. “I mean- I just- damn… Hawkeye, you don’t have to answer that. Your personal life is your personal life. Please don’t answer that.” 

Hawkeye wants to follow his advice and remain silent, but she knows the truth will bring Roy reassurance that their biggest secret is safe. 

“None, sir.”

“None?” The question comes out before he can stop it. 

“No… sir,” Riza’s voice is barely a whisper. “I haven’t… with anyone… not since…we...” 

Roy looks relieved for a moment. Before Riza can properly question why he looks relieved, Roy speaks. “Lieutenant… Riza-” For mental preservation, she has to be Riza right now. “Don’t tell me that’s because of your tattoo.” 

“Yes,” she breathes. “At least, before Ishval. And this is the first time anything has even been close to happening since my burns healed.” It’s partially the truth, Riza thinks to herself. The other part is that every time she musters up the courage to get over him, he manages to interrupt it, even if he is not really there. It was as though the universe was determined to doom her to be in love with Roy Mustang forever. 

Roy sits down on one of the chairs at the dining table and brings his hands to his face. “I hate your father. I’m sure he thought of this delightful little side effect. Make his daughter the guardian of his work and force celibacy on her forever. Fuck him. To think I ever respected him.” 

“I agreed to this-”

“That still doesn’t make it right!” Roy yelled. He paused when he saw Riza frowning back at him. “Burning your back was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. It was supposed to free you.” 

“But I am free,” Riza said softly, attempting to bring any reassurance to Roy. 

“Are you?” He asked bitterly. “Are you really? You shouldn’t have to worry about your boss being investigated for abuse just because of a date.” 

“Then I won’t date,” Riza said simply. 

Roy banged his fist on the table. “But you deserve the option, dammit!” 

“How?” Riza sighed. “I could keep my shirt on, yes, but that would only work for so long. Any man would question why I refuse to take my shirt off if I were to try and date someone seriously or long term and I would prefer to date with intention or not at all.”

“You do have great breasts,” Roy said with a smirk. 

For a moment, the mood lightened as Riza gave him a gentle smack. “This is serious, sir.” 

“I am being serious,” Roy smiled briefly before returning to the problem at hand. “You don’t think this bothers me? You shouldn’t have to give up your personal happiness to protect me. Lord knows, Riza, you’ve given me more than I already deserve. As much as it kills me to know you’re dating other men, you deserve to find someone who will treat you right and publicly acknowledge his feelings for you.” 

The weight of Roy’s words fills the air. They are both painfully aware that this conversation has taken a sharp turn. Riza is looking at him with a mix of relief and worry, her beautiful amber eyes staring straight through his own. He gets up from his seat at the table and begins to slowly make his way toward her. 

Riza’s knees begin to shake as Roy places a tentative hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s not just the tattoo,” she finally admits. “There’s no point risking the danger when my attempts to date are half-hearted as it is. I’m not ready to let you go.” 

“Riza…” Roy says softly, placing a hand on her face. 

She cuts him off before he can say anything else. Someone has to make the tough decisions and she knows it has to be her. “Please don’t, sir.”

“Why should I not?” He tilts her face up to better meet his own. 

“There are laws in place. You could be court martialed. I could be dishonorably discharged.” 

“Our entire office is secretly plotting to overthrow the government, Riza. I think this is the least of our worries considering,” He licks his lips and refuses to break eye contact. “Besides, I always thought I would be okay when you decided to date other people. But hearing you admit it- it makes me want to tear that man apart limb from limb.” 

Riza is drowning. She tries to speak but the words won’t leave her lips. She can only focus on the heat of his touch as his hands cup her face. 

“If this isn’t what you want, please, stop me now. We will pretend this conversation never happened. You have my word.” Roy’s voice is barely a whisper and it is clear he is afraid of her answer. 

Riza knows she should say something, anything, to protect the delicate balance they have clung to since she became his subordinate 18 months ago. This is risky and foolish and more than either of them deserve. Their careers would be over and they would be discharged in scandal. 

And yet, Riza knows deep down that she will not pull away. 

“This is the only thing I want.” 

Roy’s mouth crashes into Riza’s, kissing her hungrily. She immediately wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He deeps the kiss, groaning as Riza opened her mouth. 

They paw at each other, desperately undressing themselves in a flurry of limbs. He bites her lip, neck and collarbone, eager to make her moan. He is not gentle and she does not want him to be. In a similar fashion to last night, she breaks their kiss, panting wildly, and grabs his hand to lead him into the bedroom. 

They are naked, flushed against each other on her mattress as she wraps her legs around his waist, begging him to end the maddening desire pooling between her legs. She wants him more than she has ever wanted anything. 

She wants his kisses, both soft and rough, at all times of the day. She wants to fall asleep beside him and wake up next to him. She wants to call him hers, to tell everyone she sees that Roy Mustang belongs to her. 

None of these are realistic, she knows, so she settles for his abrupt entry and moans as he begins to establish a rhythm. 

His touch is hot and Riza is convinced that she will be burst into flames. It only seems appropriate that she would burn alive from his touch. It’s right. It’s so right to be wrapped in his arms. 

She is pulled from her thoughts as he threads his arms underneath one of her legs, pulling it up and deepening his angle to a maddening degree. She could not help herself from screaming if she wanted too. 

In the moment, she can’t begin to fathom why she denied herself such pleasure. 

“Riza, come,” Roy grunts through clenched teeth as he pounds into her. “Come for me.” 

His words turn Riza to putty and she begins to tremble around him. She comes with a gasp, all the air leaving her lungs. He follows shortly, spilling all over her thighs. The only sound in the room is their desperate gasps as they fight to catch their breath. She doesn’t know if she is too exhausted to move, or simply unwilling, as she curls into Roy’s embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” Roy says quietly, a while later. 

They are still laying in bed, their clothes thrown all over Riza’s apartment. Roy is gently stroking Riza’s back as she lays her head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

“Don’t apologize. This is what we both wanted.” 

“No,” Roy shook his head. “Not for this. I will never apologize for this. I’m sorry it took me so long to say something.”

Riza sat up slowly, looking Roy in his eyes. “Don’t be. Not saying anything was always the right decision. I’ve never questioned how you felt. It’s just never been the right time. It still isn’t.” 

“Regardless, you know I’m not going to let you go again,” Roy said with a smile. He pulls Riza back into an embrace, holding her close. “I did once and I never forgave myself. I’ve tried to get over you too, but I fear that is an impossible task. Rules be damned.” 

“So how are we going to handle… this?” Riza waves her hand between herself and Roy. 

“It goes without saying that anytime we are out in public, even if it appears to just be the two of us at the time, we remain professional. However, if on occasion we decide to take paperwork home to one of our apartments, so be it. There are enough rumors about us anyway to distract the brass and as long as we are at Eastern Command the only one who can order an investigation is Grumman.” Roy tilts Riza’s forehead towards him and gives it a gentle kiss before flipping her on her back and pinning her arms above her head. His lips grazed her forearms before he mopped her skin playfully. “But right now we going to have sex again.” 

Riza smiles and leans in for a kiss. Tomorrow, they will have to go back to playing the game, at the very least in public. But that is tomorrow and she still has tonight, where she welcomes the escape from the world and she returns her attention to the glowing flame that is Roy Mustang. The muse of her life.

**Author's Note:**

> I always lean towards virgin!Riza or barelydates!Riza... not because of Roy but because of her tattoo. Riza is such a serious and duty bound person that I can see her taking her guardian responsibility a bit too far before Ishval. During Ishval she would be too paranoid and after, I do think she's be more open to dating... but during the fight with Envy she does say that her suicide would "eliminate the secrets of flame alchemy from the world" which tells me that even after her back is burnt, she still worries about its discovery. Any man who were to see if would have to put in an application, interview, interships etc... Plus let's be real, Riza would absolutely think being alone is part of her penance for Ishval.


End file.
